Can I go another few days without cleaning the bathroom?
Fucking no. Throw some fucking scratch-free Comet in the sink and rub it all around with a fucking cellular sponge. It's not that fucking hard.
Hold on. The dichloro dihydrate in the cleanser could fucking kill you. It probably is killing you slowly. Leave the fucking sink alone.
Can I leave the bed unmade today?
Make the fucking bed, already. It’s not that hard. What are you? Fucking Four?
It’s just another fucking day in a string of days that make up your inexorable life. The bed made or unmade makes no fucking difference.
Should I stop and help that old lady cross the street?
Fucking yes! If she got hit by a car, you’d feel guilty for the rest of your fucking life.
Let the old lady live out her fucking Karma. You think you’re god and can redirect fucking fate?
The store clerk gave me too much change.
March back and give the fucking money back.
What are you fucking kidding me? How many fucking soggy apples have you bought in that store? Did they ever show up at your house and say Mea Fucking Culpa, here are some good apples?
(If you don’t think this is funny and this post offends you, I fucking apologize)