Yesterday I was totally crazy. I didn’t have one clear thought. I didn’t have a consecutive thought. I groped around my life as if I was wearing blackout glasses. At some point I found myself at the supermarket buying mayonnaise to liven up some dry chicken breasts. If you think about or look at mayonnaise for any length of time it is disgusting. Mayonnaise is basically oil that has been manipulated with raw egg yolks and some acidity. Ingredients that are incompatible are forced into compatibility by an emulsifier (in this case egg yolks.) Kim Kardashian’s marriage to the basketball player was a little like that. The emulsifier was money. What’s wrong with that?
At the supermarket, right in front (at the spot where big business and my subconscious say howdy) was a display of Purex “free and clear” laundry detergent. Dirty clothes were piling up at my house because I couldn’t find detergent that had not gone through the perfume factory at Procter and Gamble. The smell of fake “fresh spring rain” or fake “mountain air” makes me feel hopelessly poor. Poor as in no money or hope of ever getting any money. Poor as in I’ve sunk into a societal swamp.
Good old Waldbaums (even though comforting Ma Ida Waldbaum was long dead) was treating me to “free and clear” Purex laundry detergent for 1.99. I had never used Purex but I would wash my clothes in cough syrup if it was scent-free. Besides being scent free and practically cost free Purex was “new and improved” and “triple action.” I expected the washing machine to start bouncing across the floor but it remained still and there were definitely suds which is all the evidence I need.
When the laundry was done I made myself a chicken sandwich on twelve grain bread and put it on a plate that was hand washed because all the dishwasher soap was lemon-scented.
Today, I feel less crazy. The laundry is done and I managed to write this post.