Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Yesterday I was totally crazy

Yesterday I was totally crazy. I didn’t have one clear thought. I didn’t have a consecutive thought. I groped around my life as if I was wearing blackout glasses. At some point I found myself at the supermarket buying mayonnaise to liven up some dry chicken breasts. If you think about or look at mayonnaise for any length of time it is disgusting. Mayonnaise is basically oil that has been manipulated with raw egg yolks and some acidity. Ingredients that are incompatible are forced into compatibility by an emulsifier (in this case egg yolks.) Kim Kardashian’s marriage to the basketball player was a little like that. The emulsifier was money. What’s wrong with that?

At the supermarket, right in front (at the spot where big business and my subconscious say howdy) was a display of Purex “free and clear” laundry detergent. Dirty clothes were piling up at my house because I couldn’t find detergent that had not gone through the perfume factory at Procter and Gamble. The smell of fake “fresh spring rain” or fake “mountain air” makes me feel hopelessly poor. Poor as in no money or hope of ever getting any money. Poor as in I’ve sunk into a societal swamp.

Good old Waldbaums (even though comforting Ma Ida Waldbaum was long dead) was treating me to “free and clear” Purex laundry detergent for 1.99. I had never used Purex but I would wash my clothes in cough syrup if it was scent-free. Besides being scent free and practically cost free Purex was “new and improved” and “triple action.” I expected the washing machine to start bouncing across the floor but it remained still and there were definitely suds which is all the evidence I need.

When the laundry was done I made myself a chicken sandwich on twelve grain bread and put it on a plate that was hand washed because all the dishwasher soap was lemon-scented.

Today, I feel less crazy. The laundry is done and I managed to write this post.


  1. And the world is a better place for it! :-)

    But only a matter of time before Proctor & Gamble bring out book scented detergents so we can wear a freshly washed t-shirt while reading our ebooks and imagine we have a real book in our hands.

  2. I too gag at the smell of detergents and - even worse - fabric softeners. My suburban neighborhood is overwhelmed with it every Sunday night. I have to close the windows. I think it should be considered disturbance of the olfactories. However, I'd have no problem with putting on a t-shirt that smelled like fresh Dostoevsky.

    1. I know! But if you go to the P%G site the best seller is the "free and clear." So why can't they make more like that?

      Fresh Dostoevsky is like "more cowbell" (or is that ref. too obscure?) Not for you, Diane. You get everything.

  3. oh my gosh you guys crack me up and beckon me at the same time! fresh dostoevsky ... more cowbell..(love that!)

    i once accidentally let the rain wash my clothes (camping). the next day the sun dried them. i savored those jeans and t shirt- thinking to wear them sparingly,trying to make that rain and sun scent last as long as possible. and in trying to save the scent, well yeah-the scent was squandered. and a squandered scent is as tragic as (i am assuming) a lack of cowbell.

  4. That's my dream laundry scenario, Sherry - rain, then hot sun. I try to do half of that duo in summer since I have no dryer.