State of the Union according to Google

(On Friday, we will have a new president.  Decided this might be a good time to repost this entry from 2013)

Google knows how the citizens are doing.  It has saved all our questions, all our searches, all our subjects and sub categories, We only have to prompt it with a word or two and it shows us where we have been, where we are and where we need to go. 

My job is:

boring

killing me

sucks

makes me depressed

My wife: 

doesn’t want kids

doesn’t trust me

doesn’t love me anymore

doesn’t listen to me

doesn’t respect me

doesn’t support me

doesn’t like me anymore

doesn’t like my family

My husband:

is gay

got a family

cheated on me

Betty

is mean

hit me

hates his job

I lie: 

about everything

too much

all the time

to myself

My house is:

on fire

making me sick

in foreclosure

I’m happiest when:

never

            

Happiness is:

camping

a choice

like a butterfly

My health is:

declining

deteriorating

better in November

not good

going down fast

getting worse

Government is:

corrupt

killing us

watching us

lying to us

I worry about:

everything

everything all the time

money all the time

my boyfriend

my boyfriend dying

            

I hate:

my job

my life

myself

everything about you

How do I:

put this gently

get pinkeye

God bless you all and God bless America

            

State of the Union according to Google

(This is a re-post.  It first appeared in January of 2013 but not much has changed.)

 

The president will soon deliver his State of the Union address so I decided to check the State of the Union according to Google.

Google knows how the citizens are doing.  It has saved all our questions, all our searches, all our subjects and sub categories, We only have to prompt it with a word or two and it shows us where we have been, where we are and where we need to go.

My job is:

boring

killing me

sucks

makes me depressed

My wife:

doesn’t want kids

doesn’t trust me

doesn’t love me anymore

doesn’t listen to me

doesn’t respect me

doesn’t support me

doesn’t like me anymore

doesn’t like my family

My husband:

is gay

got a family

cheated on me

Betty

is mean

hit me

hates his job

I lie:

about everything

too much

all the time

to myself

My house is:

on fire

making me sick

in foreclosure

I’m happiest when:

I’m alone

           

Happiness is:

camping

a choice

like a butterfly

My health is:

declining

deteriorating

better in November

not good

going down fast

getting worse

Government is:

corrupt

killing us

watching us

lying to us

I worry about:

everything

everything all the time

money all the time

my boyfriend

my boyfriend dying

           

I hate:

my job

my life

myself

everything about you

How do I:

put this gently

get pinkeye

God bless you all and God bless America

My day with big brother/sister

This morning I was innocently eating breakfast. There in the glossy white of my eggs over easy was a picture of a pair of Dansko Pro XP Clogs I had just look at on Amazon.  It was refreshing to see those clogs at the edge of the yolk.  For about a week, I had been seeing the Little Pete Multi-Catch Mouse Trap in the pancakes, the panini, even the bathroom mirror.  Little Pete was all over the house.  

It was like the apostles finding the imprint of Jesus' face on Veronica's Veil.  Uh, well, no, it wasn't like that at all.  Sorry.

While I could tolerate the shoes and Little Pete, I rebelled at taking my grandchild to the playground and seeing that bellyfat lady squeezing her stomach right on the side of the slide.  And then when I tried to rub her out finding her stamped every few feet on the sidewalk all the way home.

That night,  I plumped my pillow hoping for a pleasant sleep only to catch sight of the Vita-Mix 7500 framed by the hemstitching on my heirloom pillowcase.  I had clearly only looked at the Vita-Mix 5200.  Geez, Amazon, get it right.  It’s enough to make you want to take out a restraining order.

State of the Union according to Google

The president will soon deliver his State of the Union address so I decided to check the State of the Union according to Google.

Google knows how the citizens are doing.  It has saved all our questions, all our searches, all our subjects and sub categories, We only have to prompt it with a word or two and it shows us where we have been, where we are and where we need to go.

My job is:

boring

killing me

sucks

makes me depressed

My wife:

doesn’t want kids

doesn’t trust me

doesn’t love me anymore

doesn’t listen to me

doesn’t respect me

doesn’t support me

doesn’t like me anymore

doesn’t like my family

My husband:

is gay

got a family

cheated on me

Betty

is mean

hit me

hates his job

I lie:

about everything

too much

all the time

to myself

My house is:

on fire

making me sick

in foreclosure

I’m happiest when:

I’m alone

           

Happiness is:

camping

a choice

like a butterfly

My health is:

declining

deteriorating

better in November

not good

going down fast

getting worse

Government is:

corrupt

killing us

watching us

lying to us

I worry about:

everything

everything all the time

money all the time

my boyfriend

my boyfriend dying

           

I hate:

my job

my life

myself

everything about you

How do I:

put this gently

get pinkeye

God bless you all and God bless America