Oopsies or "Did I just say that?"

Sometimes the things we blurt out are surprise Oopsies.  This happens when we have been thinking thoughts inside that don’t match the thoughts we express on the outside.  This used to be called being two-faced.  Inside we are saying “Muffie, you are one singular ignorant twit.” On the outside we say, “You are so fun. Way fun.” Those inner baddie prisoners are just waiting to spring to liberty and cause a fireworks display in love and casual or business relationships. 

If you want to stop all unintentional conversational oopsies, you have to stop thinking them. Any thought that begins with “Are you really going to sniff the wine, you clueless fat...” needs to be vaporized before it reaches maturity.  That’s right.  It sounds hard to do and has a tinge of goody-two-shoes and self-righteousness but it is the only practical way to live if you don’t want a verbal bomb to ruin an otherwise pleasant Thanksgiving when someone in a caloric overdrive coma is sure to blurt out:  “This turkey is dry and tastes like *%$*” when he meant to say, “You are so generous to make this effort every year.”   Once you get the hang of sabotaging internal badmouthing, it becomes a habit.  Just distract yourself with a different thought the way you distract a crying toddler.

In the film War of the Roses, during what appeared to be just another married breakfast, Barbara Rose says to Oliver Rose "When I watch you eat, when I see you asleep, when I look at you lately, I just want to smash your face in." Those words did not come out of nowhere.  Barbara had given them permission to play in her head for many, many weeks.  That morning, she thought she was going to say, “Pass the salt, please.”  Hoo ha!  All that other stuff came out.  If you saw the film you know those words began what was to become a disastrous journey.

My advice:  don’t befriend a thought unless you are willing to say it out loud because your smart-ass mouth will betray you every time.