Thursday, May 2, 2013

Imagine there's no 'master'

Now and again we get news of what the homebuilders association has in store for us going forward.  One of the archaic designations from the past is something called “the master bedroom.”  They aren’t going to call it that anymore.  I wonder why?  Instead of getting all snarky and feminist, let’s examine why they might have called it that in the first place.  Apparently it had nothing to do with slavery, a period we most closely associate with a ‘master.’   Everyone’s best guess is that it came into being around 1925 and it was a flattery ploy used by developers to get the man to buy the house.  Today they might flatter him with a man cave.  I don’t know why men are portrayed as such easy targets for the shallowest marketing trick.  Do you know?

(This might be a ploy to trick women.  Developers would call it the hyena bedroom if they thought it would instill a yen in man/or woman to overlook the cheap building shortcuts and get us to buy their houses.)

I want to say good-bye to the master bedroom in the same way I said good-bye to the kitchen.  In song and to the tune of “Imagine” (with apologies to John Lennon.)

Imagine there’s no ‘master’
No hierarchy left.
No chores with his and hers signs
Who’s going to feel bereft?
Imagine there’s no fencing
To designate who’s up
To deal with crying toddlers
Who want the yellow cup.
Imagine there’s no bedroom
Named to enthrone the man
It's just too weird and senseless
In today's enlightened plan

You may say this is crazy
The womb will always break the deal
As long as women bear the children
The level field will not be real

(I didn't want this to end this way.  It was supposed to be funny and I do feel the field is getting leveler.)

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