(Haven't done Sample Sunday for many weeks but today I decided to showcase the novel that's close to my heart. Reviewers said it made them laugh out loud)
It’s tax season and I’ll
get to visit the senior center again.
Last year I spent four hours getting my taxes done at the senior center.
My regular tax preparer had gone to rehab without telling anyone. Once I heard that the senior
center did taxes for free and did them immediately, I headed there without a
qualm. The preparer assigned
to me had once been the chief financial officer of a multinational
conglomerate. He now helps
comatose seniors to sort out their tax returns. Why does the government bother these people? Leave them alone. They’ve done
enough for you.
While we were all waiting for
our turn, there was inter-taxpayer conversation. One tall man who had the exaggerated gait of cowboy said: “They raised the property taxes big
time but I see the supervisor gave himself a nice raise.” The full figured woman across from him
who had on a green nylon warm-up jacket with the New York Yankees’ logo on the
back, said, “Yes. Uh huh. That’s the way it goes.”
I went to get a cup of coffee in
the senior center dining room and there was a worker handing out bagels. The
room had the institutional cleaning smell of my old boarding school
refectory. I put my hand out and
she gave me one of the bagels. This place was probably in my future so I looked
around and it was one continuous surprise. They offer a lot of free stuff and free services. Free yoga to begin with and then free
transportation and free home repairs.
Free food, too, or hot meals delivered for a couple of dollars. The only
deficiency I could see was the excess of laminated plastic in the décor.
I had my coffee and bagel to nibble on and I got to listen to
all the seniors bitching about this and that. It was pleasant. A new arrival, a man, came in and said he
could not find tax forms anywhere.
“Mind if I sit here,” he asked the woman with the Yankee jacket.
“Be my guest,” she said.
He told her he had been to the
library for forms and they were all out and the library sent him to the post
office and they were all out.
“Yes. Uh huh. That’s
the way it goes,” she said. I
thought, this woman knows how to attract men. She just says ‘yes, uh huh, and that’s the way it
goes’. Maybe I should try that
instead of talking so much. The
other thing I realized about senior life was that you could make continuous
conversation about what had just happened to you that day and it was okay. You didn’t have to be witty or
ironic. In fact, it was preferable
to be a little dull. You could just barge in and talk as if you had known these
people your entire life. It was
also okay to whine because the seniors considered themselves a unit of
solidarity and were not judgmental about each other.
Imagine being able to whine to your heart’s content? Everybody whines. Winston Churchill whined. Just read the letters to his
mother during the Boer War. “Can’t make sense of the foxholes, my clothes are
damp…”. The only person I can’t remember whining was Mary, Jesus’ mother. The only time I remember her saying
anything was when Jesus’ stayed behind on some trip. I think she said, “Why did you do that?” which is almost
exactly what I would have said.
So this was senior life and it
was not unpleasant. You could
spend the entire day at the center and participate in many activities. From
what I could see, you didn’t even have to be a senior. There were people in their forties
having taxes done and doing yoga. I wanted to tell my friend, Delores all about
this bonanza so she wouldn’t be so harsh on the government. She called our former
president an inchoate mass of deception.
“Look, Delores. Look at all
the free stuff the government is going to give you. You think they want to take
everything away but it’s not true.”
They even have a Sunshine Club although I don’t think I would join that.
If Delores went to Capitol Hill
and they did everything she asked them to do and she was suddenly living in a
country that carried out her ideals to the letter, including making animals
more important than people, I don’t think she could adjust.
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