Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Limited mobility

There is a commercial for something called The Scooter Store that is always asking me if I "live with limited mobility." This perky name has nothing to do with real scooters that require excellent mobility.  I used to think I was targeted for this commercial because the sponsors were sure only people who were imprisoned by non-working limbs would be watching "I didn't know I was pregnant" and  "Backyard Ambush"  That wasn't it.  The other day I was watching the financial network and right during Power Lunch, The Scooter Store spot popped up. 

What caught my attention in this commercial is that they offered me something for free just for calling the number on the screen.  They offered me a deck of playing cards. The word free kept pulsing on the screen as if to alert me to the importance of it. I guess if you have serious limited mobility, a lame deck of cards is a lifeline to an interesting life.  I guess if you have limited mobility you learn to play Bridge or Poker or Old Maid or War with other people who are in the same limited mobility boat.  I haven’t used playing cards in thirty years so I sneered as I normally do at offers that are designed to trick older people into doing risky things. 

The Shark Steam Cleaner (an infomercial that I could watch for several hours when they clean the filthy Gas Station Rest Room and make it so sparkly it hurts your eyes) offers me a free hand steamer that I get to keep if I try their floor steam machine and then decide to send it back.  As tempting as this is I do not believe that I can send something back that I bought during an infomercial and have an untroubled transaction.  In my mind, and I’m not proud of this, anyone in infomercials is an out and out charlatan who will disappear the minute he gets my money.  That includes Ron Popeil of the “set it and forget it” Rotisserie Ovens who seemed so genuine and even appeared on Larry King Live. I must be in the minority on this "not trusting" issue because infomercials take over almost all the airwaves late at night (except for re-runs of Law and Order). Somebody is buying.

As a matter of fact I do have limited mobility but it has nothing to do with not being able to walk, it has to do with a corrosive laziness that propels me to the couch.  I like to sit around.

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