Hop scotching over the news.
In the phrasing is everything department:
“Get back on board!” De Falco (Coast Guard) to the Captain of the Costa Concordia.
“I’m with the rescue boats.” Captain Francesco Schettino.
In the equal opportunity department:
People are all upset about the image of President Obama on the cover of Newsweek.
“ He looks terrible, and surprisingly like Jimmy Carter, even down to the downturned liverish lips and incipient jowls.”
Let’s not forget Michele Bachman’s cover where Newsweek gave her those googly unfocused eyes. It all evens out.
In the giggling over excess department:
Poor Paula Dean. Yes, she sort of withheld the truth. Is that lying? (I think lying has its place.) Yes, she is now being compensated by a drug company that provides relief for diabetics. Yes, she doesn’t make sense when she begins to defend the timing of her revelation. Maybe all that maniacal giggling over her excess that goes on in the cooking show is not put on. Okay here’s our problem. We thought Paula was lovable, like our ditzy Auntie Josephine. Now we find out she is an avaricious uncontrollable giggler who is slavishly devoted to money. What’s wrong with that?
Apropos of nothing remember when Christopher Hitchens called Mother Teresa an avaricious gnome? How can you not miss that guy?
Too much admiration can ruin you department:
Tom Hanks’ dog, Monty, died. That was a headline. I’m not one to feel that because our brave young soldiers are dying in foreign lands we can’t say anything fun but come on. Here’s my problem with Tom Hanks. People loved him too much and then he thought he was too special and could be good at everything. Who wouldn’t? I think his “jump the shark” moment came right after Forrest Gump. Then he began acting all “awh shucks” that was really hiding, “I’m so freaking special but I don’t want to look as if I agree.” Whenever anything good happens to me I start acting up, too, so I’m no better than Tom Hanks except no one is shoving a microphone in my face.
An irrelevant revelation department:
Newt Gingrich’s ex revealed that Newt wanted “an open marriage.” If you were named Newt and looked like a kewpie doll and some good-looking woman wanted to have an affair with you, wouldn’t you want an open marriage? Remember when Jimmy Carter admitted to having “lust in his heart.” In the Catholic Church there’s no difference between lust in your heart and lust in the bed. Thought or deed, a sin is a sin. I would give Newt a pass on this one especially since the ex who is blabbing was the “affair” when Newt was married to another.
Okay, that’s the news in a nutshell except for the irresistible clip of our President looking up at Al Green and singing a phrase from “Let’s Stay Together” at the Apollo.