Thursday, September 15, 2011

Stop it, Michelle!

I was on line at the supermarket and the front page of The Globe froze me in place. Michelle’s Insults Drive Hillary to Collapse. My inner fourteen year old yanked me out of line: We’re not moving until we get to the bottom of this.
I happen to love and admire Hillary Clinton. She is a smart, smart woman. She is an accomplished seamless speaker. She is a loving mother and a loyal spouse. She has withstood public humiliation and hideous attacks from the media without whining. I’m not only thinking of the Lewinsky fiasco. How about the barrage of mean and ugly references during her run for the Presidency. “Now she’s pimping Chelsea” was one of the endearing remarks. Hillary seems to be the hardest working employee the government has ever had and yet there is no decency wall when it comes to making fun of her.

I don’t know exactly what Hillary does. My vague idea is that she goes from country to country and says things like, “Stop killing your own citizens.” or “Stop taking all of our foreign aid money and stashing it in Swiss banks for your own retirement.” or “Stop gathering material for nuclear bombs because then you’ll be able to bomb us or our allies and we don’t like that especially since we give you a lot of cash and look the other way when you steal it.” Publicly she’s always either boarding a plane or getting off. She is either sitting in those stiff antique Morris chairs with a head of state or being greeted at the airport by a head of state. It is not a glamorous job. It is the dirty work of politics and she does it without complaint. She doesn’t insinuate herself into Obama’s inner sanctum (at least publicly). She has served the president better than anyone else in his Cabinet.

So why then is Michelle, goddess of all things serene and classy, driving my Hillary to “an alarming secret breakdown?” Stop it, Michelle!

It’s Hillary’s weight. Yes, you heard me, her weight. The article alleges that Hillary has packed on fifty pounds. Why do they say “packed on” as if you are troweling plaster onto a wall. The Globe goes on to say that Hillary has packed on weight because she is so unhappy. If this is true maybe it’s because her inner clock is all fackakta due to the traveling. Hillary is totally messing with Michelle’s “anti obesity” message. Remember Lady Bird who had her “beautification” project? Michelle has her own beautification project and it has to do with slimming everybody down and Hillary is throwing a wrench into it by packing on “unhappiness” weight.
What is worse, The Globe, alleges Bill is getting on Hillary about her weight, too. He wants her to slim down and run again because he wants back in at the White House.

If you believe the Globe both Michelle and Bill want Hillary to slim down to move their own agenda along. It has nothing to do with Hillary’s welfare. My message to Hillary is: quit that thankless job unless the perks are fantabulous. You are dealing with crazy foreign heads of state that look all warm and fuzzy in the antique Morris chair but only want your money.

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